We think it’s a lack of money, but for me, it’s a lack of a discernible life. There was a time when I would sit on a pin and wouldn’t notice. Today, I sleep on a pile of mattresses 20 thick, and the pea feels like a cannonball.
I lost my virginity on a bathroom floor devoid of sensation. My most intimate relationship, and my mentor when it came to how to please a woman were the peas hiding under my father’s side of the mattress.
Later the computer became my guide.
Pornographic pictures pummelling my palate like plutonium.
Thinking about my old life, I see the Narnian wardrobe. I feel schizophrenic, rambling on about a world that no longer exists. I remember flying high and writing “There’s No Place Like Home,” on the side of an H-bomb, and then cutting the rope.
A lamb roast.
A head through a window, blood dripping on my bright white Nikes, a crazed grin caught in the shards.
A milk crate on top of a car; white blood spilling into the gutter.
What a nutter.
Naked in the middle of a lawn bowls competition.
A hand on the doorknob of temptation.
Showering the bartender.
Fighting the bartender.
Fighting the bouncer who is friends with the bartender.
Yellow bile tinged with blood.
Broken factory windows; skinless knuckles wrapped around the brick; a mother calling me a prick.
Zombified children are sitting on the settee playing Pokemon while parents get fucked up in another world. A woman is struggling to put shoes on a baby; a man shows her how it's done. A child lies in bed shouting to his parents because he wants to go ‘poo;’ the silent screams of two worms drowning in a home battered by sprinklers with nothing but blackbirds and the baking sun waiting to greet them.
A job you hate.
A strange woman, late.
English, Welsh, Irish and the Scots.
The life of someone lost in the fog of alcoholism is a crazy thing. The things I used to do with my time bordered on the insane to the mundane - a life inert through ball and chain.
Striver Brad asks, “What wonderful things can I do with my time without alcohol?”
And that’s what we talk about in today’s podcast